Vibe Check?

You are already good at this

There is a part of you that is dong a spontaneous “vibe check” all the time. Becoming aware of what you find when you do a vibe check is powerful. Photo of a powerful tiger looking pensive and aware by Frida Lannerström at Unsplash.

The term “vibe check” is an entry in the Cambridge Dictionary, defined as… “an act of finding out how someone is feeling or how they make you feel, or what the mood in a particular place or situation is.” you can read the entry and see examples of how to use this phrase here.

I like that the concept of a vibe check is about curiosity. This includes curiosity about moods, tones, and overall feelings of another person(s) or situation. That means vibe checks are not only about paying attention, but also about authenticity and being genuine in relationships.

When you have an accurate vibe check, you know how to proceed in a situation in a way that does not require much effort or thought. There is no calculating or plotting. No need to hide how you feel. No hoping for things to turn out a certain way. You can be natural, and thus be authentic in your own vibe and mood in a way that may actually strengthen social bonds, because this is the tiny brick of honest interaction that builds trust little by little with each interaction.

Among friends and family, there can be sensitivity and care about the emotions, and you don’t give the vibe checks much thought. Vibe checks can also be for people or situations you have no familiarity with. In this case of meeting people or places and situations for the first time, you want to scan for a sense safety within yourself.

Doing vibe checks may take a little practice. I find the following questions come in handy:

Is this person or situation easy to be around? Are you relaxed and at ease around them? Or do you hear or sense a harshness in their tone of voice and manner? In a situation, are there bright lights, noise or clutter that feel like distraction or stressful and too much?

Does the other person’s attention wander as you interact? Are they present?

Does this person seem real and authentic? There is a straightforward feeling that feels as if things are out in the open. This can feel natural and spontaneous, relaxed and “in the moment.”

Do you feel respected? Is there an equal exchange? Are there appropriate pauses in the interaction or is the conversation or situation being dominated by one person. There does not have to be agreement, but feeling respected and valued is a foundation of a positive vibe check.

Just below conscious awareness

Some social cues you pick up easily. Others are more subtle and may even be just below conscious awareness, in which case the impressions are not quite verbalized and conscious. The sensory organs, your eyes and ears, skin and bones, are taking in enormous amounts of information about the world at any given time. You need time to sort out the quality of an interaction in your mind, but the body will very naturally express a reaction in the form of impressions, emotions and related memories. It can happen in an instant. Just being aware that it is happening helps. Nothing to fear here. Awareness is what matters.

Glimmers versus Triggers

Psychotherapist, Deb Dana, coined the term, “glimmer” for the kind of social cues that tell us someone’s vibes check out okay (safe). A gentle tone of voice can be a glimmer. Soft eye contact can be a glimmer. A light touch on the arm can be a glimmer. When the energy is not a glimmer, Dana says it is a “trigger” in that it triggers a response and puts you on alert. “Being triggered” is a psychological term of having an unpleasant memory of emotions and interactions. A trigger is usually not pleasant. This can happen when you encounter disorienting energy that makes you feel unstable, and, well, unsafe. This is when you can decide if you want to continue interacting with the person or situation.

You always have a choice.

Vibe Checking Skill

So, doing vibe checks is like looking for glimmers and noticing any triggers along the way, and always proceeding with full awareness.

You are already good at this and practice makes you better at it. Trusting your senses and impressions can be enhanced when you become thoughtful about what you sense: be curious, ask questions, follow up on hunches and leads. You can compare notes with others and practice being relaxed as you witness both the glimmers and triggers as “the great play” of energy in front of you and around you. It is a skill to be able to witness and be aware in this spacious and relaxed way! Deep breaths will relax you and give you a sense of space as you do this.

Doing a vibe check is a complete awareness practice that involves the mind and body.